The Exchange

Four o’clock tea time in the morning air
I’m wearing my green dress
The one with the sash?
Hear them call, call out to me.
I know you never see them.
They choose me, for my looks or voice I know not,
But they chose me.

These select special few are like me,
People who can’t mold, doesn’t conform
Yet they are quiet
They cause no trouble, but they wish
Oh they wish!
Somewhere where dancing is the sport
Singing prized
Manner kind and gentle, no harsh words or ideas

How can I get there?
I know not yet, lest I go prematurely
I will be found when it is time. 

adjectives that can be used to describe myself this week

Tired * Sick *

* Happy * Pretty * Cold *

* Silly *

* Young * Sweet *

* Surprised * Happy * Frustrated * Gray *

 * Raspy * Cautious *

* Headstrong *

* Stupid * Mushy *

* Clean * Helpful * Bewildered *

*Loved*

Johnny

Each morning the alarm goes off
You come into my room
I hit snooze a couple times
It gives you time to groom.

Just when I feel like getting up
You jump onto my bed
I try and try to push you off
You turn your tail instead

I give a sigh and pull you close
You snuggle next to me
I smile with your fur in my mouth
This is how it's meant to be.

Quiet, purring, listening to the rain

You and me, before the morning starts
(THIS LINE HASN'T COME TO ME YET. GRRRR)
You have stolen my heart.

why...

 So, getting high has been going around lately. Not me. Ew. But, one of the actors that I've been stage managing seems to have that as her hobby, and I've been talking about it with one of my friends who decided to 'experiment'.

 Quite honestly I don't understand the draw. Why would you want to do something that re-organizes your brain cells? The person who was experimenting said that they were imagining things, and then realized that they could actually see them... but my question is why? We have movies, we have pens and paper, and we have computers. Why can you not 'imagine' them there? Why take something that messes you up so much? I've seen hippies who used to have that as a daily part of their lives... those that are still alive that is. And they're scary. Those drugs seriously mess you up.

*sigh*

I hope these people learn their lessons....

I Really AM Smart!

 So I just got back from a meeting with the learning specialist here at PVCC, and I think I came back with positive results.

 My math teacher asked me to go see the learning specialist - I think because I'm a good student, and she doesn't understand why I'm having trouble. So I went today, and she said the typical things - figure out my learning style, why did I think I was having trouble (she was really sweet, saying that she wasn't blaming homeschooling, but did I think that it might have something to do with it?) She was actually really adorable - calling me Honey and Sweetie through the whole thing, and she had a very gentle and relaxing manor, which was nice. She gave me a sheet of recommended testing places, and told me what sort of recourses our learning center here has. Then she told me that she had looked me up, and that I was an excellent student, and that I had a very god GPA. I was surprised by it actually... I mean, I know I'm a good student, but I didn't think I was over 3.4.

I am.

by 2.4something digits.

Now, I honestly don't know how long I'm going to stay right there - I'm not doing badly by any means in any of my classes, but I'm not exactly getting 99s either... so we'll see. But that was a really nice thing to hear and see. At least, if I'm being held in this dungeon against my will (and ohmygoodness, this is SUCH an dungeon today. It's all cloudy, and misty outside, and if I could just find my camera battery charger, I would have take pictures) I'm getting a good result from it.

You know, it's kind of funny. I never before thought that I had ultra high standards for grades, but I guess I do. I have smart friends. The two who I actually discuss grades with, are both smart in different ways, but they both strive for that A. And then I know people (some of whom are friends, lol) who think that getting a B is pretty darn amazing.

Now, I always thought I fell in between the two groups, but now I'm surprised to find that I fall more along the As. Not because I try uber hard - I will admit that I could try a little harder. But, there are two people I know who do that, and I know I don't want to become like them. I love them both, but they annoy me to heck when it comes to when and how they have to do their homework. But then I look at two other people I know, who (when they were in school) used strategies that I did NOT agree with - I also don't want to become like them.

So, what started as a post about how proud of myself, somehow became a post on what I don't want to be.... but whatever. I have that lovely 3.645 GPA, which is pretty darn cool. Quite frankly, so long as it doesn't go below 3.5, I'm fine with it.... but it's nice to know that you can look at my school records and see that I "achieve excellence."

Depression?

 I don't think I'm having a very good day. I'm not having a bad day - it's not a awful. I'm not even in that bad a mood. I'm just down. I think it's the SAD kicking in again. Maybe. Or perhaps I should stop blaming that, and take responsibility for my own depressing mood? I don't know if I'm control of it though. That's the thing - I'll wake up on a beautiful day like today, with nothing in particular to bring me down, but I spend the entire day in a funk. Is that normal? Is it just me being a moody teen, and therefore I should take responsibility? Or is it the depression taking over, and I should try taking control?

UGH.

Frustration. Annoyance.

Expect more poems.

Sunday Night

so many questions not answered. so many things unsaid. No beginning, no end. where is the line? thoughts swirl, tears fall. stronger? maybe, tomorrow.